An Interview: A Follow Up with Writer Becky Cavender on the topic of Sensuality and the Feminine

Becky Cavender: A cool friend I featured a month ago showcasing her article on sensuality
Becky Cavender: A cool friend I featured a month ago showcasing her article on sensuality


About a month or so ago I had the opportunity to repost an amazing article written about sensuality and the feminine Nature of woman by writer Becky Cavender.  It was a great read and I loved the topic.  We sat down and talked about how we might collaborate more on the topic.  She focusing on sensuality and the feminine aspects of women that often are not allowed to be expressed and I looking at the nature of Girl and who she is and the ability of women to retain the essence of who she is: Girl as she grows up and moves through life.  We were able to find common themes that resulted in a visual conversation which we posted in Pinterest.  I wanted to bring her back, but this time for an interview to talk about her article and the topic of sensuality and women as well as talk to her about my idea of ‘Girl’.  Below are the questions and the answers.


The Interview:


  • How long have you been writing and what topics have you focused on?

I began writing as a child and scribbled away in diaries as early as the first grade. During middle school, I’d spend lunches sitting against my locker, writing stories in notebooks my dad would buy me every year for my birthday.

Being a professional writer came later and since that time, I’ve focused on writing pieces about international travel, life transitions (like divorce and single parenthood … and even dating again), sensuality, and body image; however, the common themes are about how to cope with change and how to love … whether that’s a change in relationship, a change in career or geographic location, or how to have a life filled with more love.


  • When I came across your article I thought ‘Wow what a great piece and topic….’ Can you tell me why you wrote it?

photo 3legsI wrote Sensual at Any Size because I’m absolutely fascinated by sensuality. It feels like sensuality is a vehicle for being more present in our lives, for being fully alive. Sensuality isn’t just about sexuality (though that’s part of it); it’s about truly being in a moment and allowing ourselves to express what we’re feeling, through our senses. It’s a radical act of self-care and self-love … no matter our size or age.


  • When you look at your article do you think it’s having the impact/impression you want?  Have you heard/received good feedback?


I believe the article will have the impact – or impression – necessary for each reader. That’s the beauty of any kind of art or expression: It’s up to interpretation and we take from it what we need, or what most resonates with us.


  • What is your hope for your article or even your own plans to raise awareness about the topic?


The article was a springboard for me to start digging deep into sensuality. As a life/relationship coach, I began seeing

what a significant impact living a sensual life can have on us … in all areas of our lives. It influences all of our relationships – especially our relationship to self, while igniting our passions. This helps us feel more whole, like you’re coming back to the essence of who you are. It’s such a beautiful thing.

Because of this, I’ve developed specialized, intensive 5 week, one-on-one Sensuality Coaching Program. Since the program has launched, clients have experienced substantial changes. They report feeling more alive, more on fire. It’s amazing.


Model: Annika Smith.  Love this image.  It makes me wonder who she is....why is she in the shadows.  There are a few other images from this set that are equally thought-provoking.
Model: Annika Smith. Love this image. It makes me wonder who she is….why is she in the shadows. Who is she?  Girl.  Mysterious.  Unknown, yet known to herself.
  • I will say at the time you were writing this I was also likely looking at a similar topic but with a slightly different slant….I have come to focus on the topic of ‘Girl’.  What is ‘girl’?  Who is she and why do we try to say what ‘girl’ is as a society when many of the notions we have leave gaps in the reality of what woman or ‘girl’ is….and this has to do with the sensual side of her….this is where your interest lies as well correct?  Care to elaborate?


I believe that sensuality is a natural part of who we are – men and women. It’s through our bodies, through our senses, that we’re able to truly experience something. Recognizing and paying attention to taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing allows us to feel rooted in a feeling of gratitude for whatever we’re experiencing right that moment; for example, if you’re holding your child’s hand while walking in a park, take a moment and notice how soft her skin is, the brightly colored fall leaves, the smell of damp earth and fireplaces burning in the neighborhood, the sound of the birds’ song. Even just a few moments of this brings up a sense of gratitude for that moment and it’s almost as though you can feel your heart expand with love for the beauty around you. Perhaps you allow yourself to sigh, to express your feelings. Doing so helps you feel more passionate and alive. Vibrant. And this will stay with you throughout your day. This is sensuality. Being present and

The act of being present: Girl in action.
The act of being present: Girl in action.

expressive. Not holding back.


  • How do you feel about the feminine side of a woman?  Do you feel she gets represented in a good light?  Where do you think we fall short?  As women?  As a society (meaning American)?


A glimpse of the mysterious: Girl. Model: My friend Lily

I believe The Feminine is as important to us as the air we breathe. Without it, we can’t freely express who we are.


I often hear women say they feel “lackluster,” as though “something” is missing in their lives, but they can’t put their finger on it. It’s my opinion that they’ve lost touch with their feminine essence … the ability to slow down, to breathe, to take in a moment, and to express whatever they’re feeling (whether positive or negative). Femininity and sensuality is about surrounding ourselves with the things in our lives that make us feel more alive, more joyful, more connected. As we hurry through our lives, this is a part of us that we let slip away – often because we’re so busy taking care of others, that we’re not taking care of ourselves. Eventually lose sight of who we are. Getting back in touch with our femininity – our sensuality – can help bring us back to ourselves.


We know it’s not easy being a woman; we’re faced with many demands, often wearing multiple hats. We’re mom (and sometimes dad), sister, daughter, wife, girlfriend, employee, entrepreneur, student. We struggle to find our power in the workplace. We fight to be respected and honored. I hear many mothers feel like they have to prepare their daughters for this tough world by toughening them up; but that toughness teaches us to stop being sensitive, stop being emotional, stop feeling so much, to buck up and quit crying. These are messages men traditionally sent to their sons … but we’re now sending them to our daughters.


This message slaps sensuality and our natural feminine essence in the face. What we’re really saying is: To be strong and powerful, you have to be like a boy. A “strong woman” doesn’t have time to be sensitive, receptive, open, and expressive. She has to build walls around herself so she doesn’t get hurt in order to take care of business. It’s too vulnerable, too risky otherwise. Yet, all this does is push down our freedom to express ourselves. This repression is what hurts us and hurts our relationships. Suddenly, we’re disconnected from ourselves.


Girl:  True and simple
Girl: True and simple
A pic I took of my dear friend Cat caught in the epitomized moment of 'Girl'.
A pic I took of my dear friend Cat caught in the epitomized moment of ‘Girl’.


In efforts to be strong, we’re shutting down our feminine essence. The creative, open, fluid, emotional part of us. The part of us that is deeply affected by music, art, by tastes and textures. The part of us that will lay down on the grass and look at the clouds with our child while holding their hands, and REALLY be present. The part of us that breathes into what makes us feel gorgeous, beautiful, like a woman … not for anyone other than ourselves.


  • My own feelings are that the true nature of ‘girl’ is what sometimes gets lost on the way to womanhood and it takes a strong woman to stay in touch with these beautiful and rare glimpses into her own feminine nature.  She can be sweet.  Sassy.  Tough.  Open.  All of these things are often related to the feeling nature…what do you think?


I think the true nature of our femininity is All of It. It’s all-encompassing. So, yes, I agree … we can be sweet, sassy, feisty, open. We can be seductive, sexual, a temptress. We can turn on a dime and be fiercely protective and brave (from a sense of love). The idea is to be able to surrender to a moment without shutting down our hearts.


  • Finally, you wrote the article.  It’s been printed.  Are there any plans to pick up the topic again?  Do you have any items you wished you could’ve covered, but didn’t?  Any regrets?


Oh, I think sensuality is a topic that is multi-faceted and will come up again and again. Sensuality is a vehicle for us to be more present in our lives, to not only be more mindful, but to be expressive and more whole. Being sensual impacts every area of our lives – so yes, I will continue writing about it on one level or another. And certainly, in my work, too, as a coach.

It’s been great chatting with you Becky about this and perhaps we could take a look at our Pinterest board I will likely come back to you again where we can look at specific examples looking at our Pinterest board on the topic.  Hopefully we might generate interest in the discussion and folks will come to the Pinterest board with an open mind and heart….willing to make comments to contribute and thought-provoke, but ultimately to bring a lightness that will allow people to share in beautiful ways.  Until next time….Travel Spritely.


….and to close out here’s some images capturing ‘Girl’.  These moments captures women and their sensual and feeling nature which to me shows expression of their inner ‘girl’; that part of her that comes from within revealing a glimpse into her inner Nature.  Pictures features various friends, artists, and models.  Thank you ladies.


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